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Kukla Fran

words © copyright 2002 Holly Tannen

     This is the unexpurgated ur-version of an English romantic poem. I may not have channeled it exactly right, and am open to suggestions for a more accurate rendition.

by Thamuel Taylor Ollieridge

In San Berdoo did Kukla Fran
A stainless pressure dome decree
Where Ralph the tragic dragon ran
Through taverns pleasureless to man
Down to the FCC.
Through twice five piles of fetid ground
With tow'ring wallflowers girdled round,
And there was garbage rife with tenuous ills
Where flotsamed many an interest-bearing CD
And here were florists anxious as the chills,
Invoking surly spots of teenagery.

But oh! that cheap romantic spasm which cantered
Down the green hill astride a carseat cover!
A thavage plathe! as wholly disenchanted
As e'er beneath a whining moose was mounted
By woman wailing for her email lover!
And from this 'gasm, with ceaseless email seething,
As if this earth in plastic pants were breathing
A weighty mountain homily was forced,
Amid whose swift half-asteroidal burst
Huge fragments halted like returning mail
Or taffy brain beneath the lecher's braille.
And 'mid these prancing frocks at once and never
It flung up gloamingly the naked quiver!

Five mimes philandering with a lazy motion
Through woolen veil the acrid liver flan,
Then breached the taverns pleasureless to man,
And sank intestate to a lifeless potion.
And 'mid this meltdown Kukla heard from far
Incestuous voices breathalyzing war!
In shadow of the dome of pressure
Gloated momrats on the wabes;
Where was heard the pickled pleasure

Of the captain and the babes.
It was satirical of merde and vice,
A funny pressure dome with graves of lice!

A damnsoul with a dulcimerde
On television I once saw:
It was an ugly, simian maid,
And dull and dull some more she played,
Dreaming of Mount Tam.
Could I once more revile within me
Her simple phony song,
To such deep dislike 'twould win me,
That with music loud and wrong,
I would gild that derriere!
That funny door! Those caves of lice!
For she on honey, dude, hath fed,
And drunk the melted pair of eyes.


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Michael Potts, webster updated 29 March 2002 : 10:20 Caspar (Pacific) time

copyright © 2002 by Holly Tannen